Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!

To Be Continued…

July 14, 2016
The 12 Steps to The Comedy Store's Belly Room, only 12 steps most comics have completed.

“For tonight, our best hope is that both battlers have learned from past missteps, and are ready to make adjustments and come out swinging. It’s a fight for Roast Battle legitimacy, and we’ll see who the last man standing will be. “

Dan Nolan

Verbal Violence Roast Report 

So how did the Roast Battle go?  

Roast Battle photos by Troy Conrad Top left Joshua Meyrowitz, Coach Tea, My Roast battle against Cody Morley with host Brian Moses

Roast Battle photos by Troy Conrad
Top left Joshua Meyrowitz, Coach Tea, My Roast battle against Cody Morley with host Brian Moses

“Just as we saw in the first battle, the jokes start out with strong reactions from the audience and quickly dip in quality, but the energy of the room never goes off course.

Cody‘s Orlando joke works very well until he tries to tag it, and neither contender hits much of a pop after that. Yet, the mood remains light, and a draw is declared which means neither battler really loses.

In a room where booing performers off the stage is a completely viable option, there are far worse fates then a tie. “

Dan Nolan Roast Report

I flubbed a line, didn’t enunciate my words in a spot there and missed out on an opportunity for victory. Got zinged good by a Sklar brother and Earl Skakel. It went from the audience from chanting “One More Joke! One More Joke! One More Joke!” to chanting “One Less Joke! One Less Joke! One Less Joke!” to Coach Tea playing out the audience to Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”

For those keeping score at home my Roast Battle record is 2 Wins, 3 losses and now one tie. It’s not the win I wanted, yet it’s not the loss I dreaded. Not bad with six days to practice from confirmation to battle. Thanks again Cody Morley for being a good sport.

Alex Duong Triumphant Against Nick Petrillo Decreed by Brian Moses photo by Troy Conrad

Alex Duong Triumphant Against Nick Petrillo Decreed by Brian Moses photo by Troy Conrad

Also kudos to main event winners Alex Duong and Pat Barker for your well earned wins. Alex was the one who introduced me to Roast Battles and got me into this mess in the first place. Roast Battles at the Comedy Store are brutal, nerve wracking and at times down right despicable. My soul is tainted and I am ruined beyond redemption, from the bottom of my heart thank you Alex! You bastard!

And now Roast Battle is going to be on Comedy Central! Kudos to all the LA comics that got spots on the commercial!

So what now?

How About Some Shameless Self Promotion Followed by Semi-Sentimental Musings On Los Angeles?


Saturday July 23rd, 2016

9pm at Oddville, It’s HOLLA FOR A DOLLA!

See Me And Other Comics Perform!

And Get Paid!

Like Strippers!  

Make It Rain! Make It Rain! Make It Rain!

IMG_2478 (1)

Oddville. A Creative Space

734 S. Main St

Los Angeles, Ca 90014

Saturday July 30th, 2016

I’m hosting the Comedy Asylum Show at the Amaro Winery in Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Hosting @AmaroWinery Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Hosting @AmaroWinery Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Amaro Winery

402 South Melendres

Las Cruces, New Mexico 88005

Also I’ll be at the Comedy Store Sunday, July 31st, 2016 telling Bedtime Stories! 10:30pm

UnOfficial Temporary Poster, You Get The Idea,,

UnOfficial Temporary Poster, You Get The Idea…

The Comedy Store

8433 Sunset Blvd.

Los Angeles, Ca 90069


First Saturday of Every Month It's Food and Show in North Ridge!

First Saturday of Every Month It’s Food and Show in North Ridge! All That Fun For Ten Bucks!

This show has Empanadas! Yup Empanadas! Hell Yeah! Shout to Mrs. Excellence and Tuna for putting together a fun show at a most non traditional venue!

Gigs come gigs go. A venue may close a booker may decide that they want to go with someone else. At any moment the moment you prepare yourself for could just end. Still at any moment another opportunity presents itself. I’ve been finding myself impressed by the sheer number of non traditional shows! Comics in this city find a way to make shows happen.

One of my favorite spots on Sunday is Bomb Mic


Some of the faces you see at Bomb Mic in Silverlake Jordan Perry, Omid Singh, Rena Hundert, Jeff Carrisalez!

Bomb Mic at Food Not Bombs is quite honestly one of my favorite mics on a Sunday. Comics pitch in together bring food, drink or throw a couple of bucks in the hat.

It’s called #BombMic because they record the show and then release it 5 years later via Podcast, a Time Bomb.

Sign ups at Sunday 12:45pm
Show starts at 1pm
Finishes at 3pm

1069 Sanborn Ave,

LA CA 90029

Word of Advice: Bring your own cup.

Here with the closest thing I can have to a dog right now without being evicted from my Harry Potter living conditions. Photo by Raab Russell

Photo by Raab Russell @A1Raab

I haven’t downloaded it, I can’t start a new video game at least until I finish Final Fantasy 6. Quite frankly the Pokemon Go phone App makes me feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone. GPS mixed with augmented reality and multiplayer in a video game is quite unsettling ?!  The full impact of this probably wasn’t even predicted by Rod Serling, Robert Heinlein or Ray Bradbury. Maybe William Gibson, Norman Spinrad, Warren Ellis or Philip K. Dick figured this out? Between Robot Bombs taking out snipers in Dallas, penis transplants and sending people to Mars, anything is possible. I find myself reading old school Science Fiction to make sense of today’s news.

On the bright side Pokemon Go has made me feel safer. I was walking home from the Comedy Store 2 am in morning and I was greeted multiple times by random folks trying to catch Pokemon. Nice folks who encouraged me to join them catch a Psyduck. It made me feel safe. I figure if someone’s more likely to get robbed it’s them. Just keep speed walking and make no eye contact with no one. Get close enough and Uber home the rest of the trip.

How are you doing? No seriously how are you doing, good, bad, Meh?

Depends on where you decide to end the story. Right now, it’s to be continued.





Catching Up

April 9, 2016
Yeah so that just happened.

Cops found a 125 lb tortoise this afternoon in my neighborhood. “It’s walking to that house!” “No lady I think it’s crawling to get away from us.” said one cop. Surprisingly the phone number was scrawled on what looks like whiteout was non working. “It would make good eating,” commented the other LAPD officer.  I beginning to wonder if the LA in LAPD is short for Louisiana instead of Los Angeles. The turtle also had a (surprise) non working number painted on it’s back to call in case it was lost.

Oh and I achieved my New Year’s Resolution and bought  myself a new pair of pants. Keep the expectations low, mark it off the list and move on.

Speaking of keeping expectations low I’m back in the Roast Battle Ring against Wub Savell!


So far I have two wins two losses it can go either way. Wub knows kung fu.. No, seriously, his battle against Brandon Brickz was legendary and his Harry Moroz battle was one the first battles I remembered seeing.

You can get tickets here.. And check Out the Verbal Violence Podcast here. Also congrats to Brian Moses and everyone else involved for taking roast Roast Battle to the next level. Wow..

Got another storytelling thing at the Store coming up in May and a college show later this month too…

New Comedy Stories

*Details and Line Up Subject To Change!

“In the meantime, you can catch me at the laundry mat next door opening for the dryer.” No seriously that’s how I have it planned.

I bring laundry and wash my clothes at the laundry mat next to the open mic. I sign up and go up right after the wash is done so is my set. While it dries I catch watch other comic’s sets and meet new people or make the opportunity of matching people to online characters that show up in my social media feed. There’s a method to this madness. That’s what I keep telling myself.

It’s been one year later, I still can’t believe that I made it this far.

Featured, True Lies

Delusions of Adequacy

February 25, 2016
Houston Skyline

*Names have been changed to protect the delusional.


Houston, Texas

The Laff Stop December 10th 2008.

“Someone is humping the stool on stage!”,  yells a comic to the outside bar signaling the peanut gallery of characters to run inside and see what’s going on.

On a long enough timeline, every piece of furniture in a comedy club will get sexually molested. Both the mic and stool on stage have seen more action in the last few months than all the comics have had their entire lives. Add alcohol with free speech and stool humpings are bound to happen. 

G. Martinez approaches the stage, lines up his crotch up to the bar stool and asks the audience the all important question, “Does this make my dick look small?” .

A few uncomfortable chuckles later, G. rhythmically thrusts and grinds his pelvis on the bar stool like a cat in heat who’s meow mix had been dosed with ecstasy.

“Women like it when you fuck them slow!” pearls of wisdom that have been repeated by every drunk who has a story to tell at 2 am in the morning are imparted to the jaded open mic audience.

“Sometimes women like it rough!” G. increases his thrust speed as he grabs the stool and stage dives off into the audience. A few drinks go down with him as he thrashes about in the front row, humping, beating and jumping. He then simulates orgasm thrusting the mic forward from the his hands as it almost hits the audience members and crashes with audio feed back that made ears bleed.

The mic is dented and a few tables and chairs are knocked around.

“Your time is up”

With one minute and a half of his three minutes of glory are left on the clock Scott Garrett , the Laff Stop’s manager, cuts off the mic and informs G. Martinez.

J. Fredrick Rhetoric ends ups going on stage early and starts playing a couple of chords of his guitar while a new mic is found.

‘You don’t go around, break furniture and a two hundred dollar mic!’ Scott informs G. Martinez. 

‘You don’t understand! I’m a misunderstood Comedic Genius!’ G. declares before he storms out of the club comedy club.

Later that week both the Laff Stop and Laff Spot receive calls from an ‘anonymous source’ asking, “When are you going to book that amazing new talent G. Martinez?”


Featured, Travel, True Lies

Texodus: Prequel

February 12, 2016

Note: Originally fully compiled September 23rd 2005  from made before during and after Hurricane Rita landed on the Gulf Coast which was a couple of months after Hurricane Katrina and edited around.

According to Wikipedia was “the fourth-most intense Atlantic hurricane ever recorded and the most intense tropical cyclone ever observed in the Gulf of Mexico”. 

When the only bird you see flying in the air is a buzzard, that’s a good sign to leave.

Hurricanes take time to hit or just strike, I can stay or go.

The stars do look good tonight.

Danny Rios, and my neighbor Brandy piled into my little red Nissan pick up truck, combined our resources together and have formed a tight knit mini tribe. The previous 48 hours I had been on phone saying goodbyes, texting friends.

I also spent the part of the day, hurricane-proofing a friend’s place with duct tape, a chipped electric screwdriver that loses it’s screw bit, 12 boards and random drift wood.

Danny Rios and Brandy take turns, walking on side the road. I’m the only one that can drive stick. Cds and a used iPod make the trip go down faster with a soundtrack by the Violent Femmes, The Ramones and The Clash.

The trip to Austin normally is about a two or three hour drive depending on which part of the city you’re leaving from. How can I make such good writing notes?

Well the entire hurricane evacuation, this Texodus has been 14 hours straight of driving, I mean crawling in a modern day caravan. I barely feel legs right now. and can do only so much to keep mind occupied. This crawling in traffic really sucks.  No air conditioning, this really sucks. Someone left their animals dead on the road. Some have just stopped, ran out of gas literally and emotionally. Hotels and motels from Eagle Lake on are maxed out in occupancy. Some gas stations and rest areas have become make shift campgrounds of automobiles.

Head is getting heavy right now. Must…. Stay… Awake….

“Eat, sleep, and shit shrimp. Head out get laid, get drunk, and head out to get laid is what I plan on doing.” that was the line to remember from the Baytown gig at the Tiki Hut. The man who said it had one leg and was bearded shrimper in a cowboy hat.

It was a fun gig with big audience of 10 people, not comics but people at bar. While a hurricane is about to hit the state. Wow. I noticed all the tvs are on the Weather channel. “That’s to bring up Drink sales.” explained the one legged shrimper. “We’re doomed, enjoy the $1.50 long neck and the $5 dollar sirloin steak and baked potato.” That’s a silver lining to the upcoming dark clouds literally ahead on the horizon. The steak was good and quite honestly that was the best tasting baked potato I’ve had in the longest time.

Wednesday morning my mother calls me, and share with me the Texapocalyptic vision she had in sleep last night. The plants in Pasadena release out a chemical which gets in the air and just kills people. Army rounds up the rest and kills everyone in the Astrodome. And that’s after the babies are raped.

We each do things to keep our minds occupied in between the sluggish pace, phone calls, and text messages to friends and loved ones. Brandy tries to takes a photo right before her battery craps out. I want to capture this moment. Must remember the little moments. Danny Rios reading the Houston Press on upcoming shows at coming into this city that have been cancelled like Hurricane at the Improv. You can’t make this up. Brandy peeing on the other side of 59 south near Sugar Land.

It’s the little moments you remember the most.

Other moments like near Sugar Creek in Sugar Land, this dude comes out passes out cups of water to people that needed or wanted it. “I live here, I just want to give water to those that need it”. Five minutes and five blocks later Danny points something out. “Holy Shit! Uncle Joey (Coco Diaz) is passing out water!” Actually it wasn’t. It was a dude from the Taqueria Arandas has people passing out water and pasteries. In the imaginary movie version or tv show it could be Joey “Coco” Diaz.  I’m surprised at all the goodwill that has been going down still. It’s been good to see the best coming out of people when the chips are down.

I just want to describe it all with my words and some times words are just never enough.

Epilogue: Hurricane Rita missed Houston and ended up hitting Beaumont, Texas. The trip really wasn’t needed, but I got time off from work and got to visit Austin, Texas. Much work to catch up with.

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Back To Zero

January 27, 2016
Photo by Troy Conrad

My 2016 Resolution: Buy New Pants! 

To hear your own voice is a surreal thing, for me it’s even more surreal hearing it on a podcast that I actually listen to.

Here’s a Teaser and a link below:

“Al Bahmani was shot, but the painful part of the story happened later.”

Looking for a Podcast to binge one? “Until I Lose Interest” is a darker grittier version of this American Life.

Some of my favorite episodes of David Taylor‘s Until I Lose Interest podcast have been Nia DeBose, Keith Carey, Tait Fletcher, Jerry Rocha, Haiti, and George Perez. There are moments of insanity, darkness, laughs and sometimes you find yourself with maybe a lesson at the end or more questions.

For the most part it was a fun experience. There are story details that were fuzzed up and have details within detail within to tell.  I also realized that there are times I lose the ability to talk and can only describe things in a series of grunts and sighs. Quite honestly this was my first one on one podcast and I found myself realizing that afterwards.

And this Wednesday I’ll get a chance to go into greater detail at the World Famous Comedy Store!

Real Stories

This is actually pretty cool it’s not just me there’s Carl Gottlieb wrote the screenplay for “Jaws” and co wrote “The Jerk” with Steve Martin and Carl Reiner.

Also are stage are Dylan Brody, Carrie Snow, Joan Fagan, Dan Morales, Alex Marshi, Jeremy Paul, Dinah Leffert and it’s hosted by Steven Alan Green. The guy who beat me at my last roast battle.

The Comedy Store Belly Room

8433 Sunset Blvd

Los Angeles, California 90069

Tickets are 5 bucks w 2 Drink Minimum and can be purchased here!

Do You Like Country Music?

Shawn Halpin and Eric Carter‘s Do You Like Country Music 

It’s Shake N Bake and I helped! Did some assistant directing and PA work on this. I had fun. Don’t worry I still have more of my own sketches in the pipeline waiting to be edited. It is fun to make things Halpin. I know I haven’t had this much fun with a name since Ku Egenti.

Here’s where you can find other sketches of mine!

LA Street

All in the span of one day Los Angeles can be both the best and the worst place in the world. It’s been almost 9 months and yet it feels like I’ve been here much longer.

Recently I was introduced to someone’s girlfriend as “one of the first cool people they met in LA“. It really warmed my heart. Then he checked his Facebook and asked me “Why I’m not friends with him?” So I went to add him. “Um dude I did add you, you just never responded.” Good feeling gone.

Officially I am now a Californian. Dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into? I’m still in shock that I’ve traded my Texas License for a California one. It was needed. I just have to keep reminding myself I’m still a Texan at heart.  Just got to remember to bring the Texas with me and I’ll be fine. Sometimes you have to leave home to appreciate it. A lot of my favorite people are still in Texas. I’m in California making new ones. Then again if you have more friends than fingers then you probably have very few friends or very few  fingers. In the meantime it still is cool to be surrounded by a rotating cast of talented folks of all different levels from all four corners of the earth.

The Roast Battle documentary by Jason Reitman has hit Sundance! 

Oh and I’m all over this trailer. Woo Hoo! Plastic validation!  So I lost my last two Roast Battles. Current record 2 wins 2 losses. So I’m back to zero.

The stage lights in Los Angeles attract both talent and moths. There are a lot of moths here. If I were a paranoid person I’d say they raise the gas prices in Los Angeles to flush people out of the state.

There are nights I go home and feel like I’m on top of the world. Good thing this city has things like parking tickets, random fines, rent increases, car troubles, roast battle loses, a day job and random acts of street violence to keep me humble.

Featured, True Lies

And Breathe..

November 26, 2015
Photo by Troy Conrad http://www.rationalentertainment.com


If you’re looking for journalistic integrity, politics or a moral at the end, go somewhere else.  

October 14th, 2015, 12:40ish am 

The World Famous Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip, Los Angeles, California

To say things were crazy is a bit of an understatement. Roast Battles at the Comedy Store by nature are intense experiences. Yet the verbal slugfest of Jay Light vs Kim Congdon ended up being just the cherry on top of a wild and crazy night. Somewhere in the beginning of the Roast Battle Jamar Neighbors and the Wave had just switched sides and antics with “The Haters” Earl Skakel, Omid Singh and Keith Carey. Then Roast Master General Jeff Ross had arrived with Anthony Jeselnik adding to the on and off color commentary of Joshua MeyrowitzBrian MosesJustin Martindale and Tiffany HaddishI also lost my first Roast Battle to Madison Wisconsin’s Funniest 2011 and newly christened Comedy Store door guy, Mike Schmidt. A couple of moments later that becomes the furthest thing from my mind.

Erik Myers was performing in the Original Room to fellow comics like Don Barris and David Taylor and the audience inside. The audience from the Laff Mob Show were hanging out at the Comedy Store’s front patio with the other comics like Brandt ToblerOlivia Grace, and Josh Nasar. Young 23-year-old Richard “Rick” James was standing at the Comedy Store’s front doors as an unidentified man wearing a grey hoodie and gloves walks towards him. Meanwhile fellow Houston comics Nia DeBoseMark Hurtado and I take a step towards the patio entrance of the Comedy Store.

“Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!”

“Firecrackers?” I say to myself as I keep stumbling into the chaos as Nia, Mark and various people with more sense than me start to run off into their own different directions. I see broken glass from dropped drinks, comics, patrons and staff huddled in the corners of the bar hiding for cover. Then from the corner of my eye I spot a guy in a grey hoodie pulling sideways trigger after the clip had been emptied. He turns around and sprints into Sunset Blvd down Olive St.

“Breathe in. Breathe out! Breathe.. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stay with us! You’re going to make it. You’re going to be alright.”  Josh Nasar calmly tries to console Rick as he starts to shiver and gurgle in his arms. When most folks were thinking about survival, Josh Nasar leapt in and tried help out young Rick. “Anyone have towels?!” Josh exclaims. Rose the bartender rushes towards the back to get towels as I sheepishly hand Josh stolen napkins from my linty pocket. 911 is called and it ends as quickly as it began. Rose arrives with towels and tries to stop the bleeding. Rick shivers and gurgles his last breath while in both their arms. Not all heroes wear capes, some just happened to be on “Sons of Anarchy” and work the bar at the Comedy Store. To quote another Josh“Much respect Josh. Much respect Rose”.

Police and an ambulance arrive within minutes. Comics in the Belly Room like Izzy SalhaniAnna Valenzuela, and Rasheed Stephens start to realize something is up when they see a tearful Rose running into the Belly Room followed by Don Barris. Rumors and speculation start to percolate from the back of the Belly Room. Kim Congdon delivers a savage zinger and confirmed word arrives in the form of Mike Schmidt pausing the show “I need to make an announcement.” “Oh what, someone got shot?” jokes the Roastmaster General.

The show goes on and everyone is corralled into the parking lot. It’s a tense moment. People check in on one another and ask each other “Where were you?”.  Some take photos while most start searching for a zinger that just won’t come. Maybe there might such a thing as too soon? What’s the point? Are we safe? Are less comics going to go to the Store? Or are more comics going to show up because they hear less comics are there? Will the audience still be there? Earl Skakel throws out a couple of one liners and the folks around him in the parking lot erupt in laughter.

People are only permitted to leave 5 at a time after they answer a series of questions.

“What was the suspect’s ethnicity? Did he have a beard? What color clothes was he wearing?”

Even fresh memories are weird and bendable things. Some said the shooter had a beard, while others claim he was wearing a bandana over his face. Some saw gloves and identified the firearm as a Glock. Off record everyone has their own theories. Maybe it was a hit? Gang related? I don’t know. So much went wrong, yet so much went right. Nobody else was hurt. The show went on. Ironically that cramped and sweaty Comedy Store Belly Room was the safest room in the building.

Everything around me started to mute itself and go down a couple of notches. The trek up King’s Rd with Nate Hurd and Josh Meyrowitz didn’t bother me as much as it usually did. So much uncertainty and neurotic thoughts entered and danced around in my head.

The following Thursday the Comedy Store reopened its doors. I figure I might as well show up. Once there I realize my neurotic fears were just neurotic fears. Both comics and audience were back in full force. There were hugs, fist bumps, drinks, snark and bittersweet laughs. For a moment I found myself staring at the entrance a little too long. Yeah, I’m still showing up.

So much happens at the Store at any given night. At times it can be a fantastic wonderland where celebrities, headliners, hopefuls, and unsavory characters of questionable moral fiber mingle freely. Other times the Comedy Store is a dark place where insecurities are amped up and preyed upon by those who need the pain of others to warm their cold dead hearts. Opportunities are made and dreams are crushed by the minute. What’s there not to like?

It’s still a Reece’s Peanut butter cup of crisis and opportunity coming together in a tasty bittersweet imperfect mix of silliness and madness. An open mic segment at Erik Marino‘s Show Up Go Up could easily morph into a podcast or an event of it’s own which can spread across the nation like wild fire. The Roast Battle Show is proof of that. The shows that seem to fill up the room are usually the result of comics coming together organically to make something happen. Comics see something work and someone pitches in here, someone else pitches in there and cool things happen. Cool things like Roast Battle with Brian Moses and Coach Tea, Kill Tony with Tony HinchcliffeUntil I Lose Interest by David TaylorThe Comedy Store Podcast with Rick Ingraham and The Ding Dong Show with Don Barris are proof of that. It’s still a petri dish of creative anarchy. What most folks would call a festival in Houston, Texas is what I call just another night at the Comedy Store. Changes are made and the show goes on.

Weeks later, outside the Belly Room where the roof meets the stairs I overhear Josh Nasar reveal to Melissa Eslinger what was going on in his head at the time. “You do what you do because it’s survival instinct. You can’t torture yourself with the what ifs, could of beens. You don’t think about these types of things, you just react. You do your best, move on and react to the moment.” And just like that my anxiety goes down a couple of notches. I find myself gazing at the stars and enjoying the moment.

Then Mike Schmidt taps me on the shoulder to tell me to stop sitting on the roof.


*Photo by Troy Conrad


Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

If You’re Going To Get Your Balls Busted…

September 14, 2015
Green Room Hallway Life — with Erica Mills, Al Bahmani, Jeremiah Watkins, Ahamed Weinberg, Chance Royce, Brian Moses at The World Famous Comedy Store. Photo by Troy Conrad http://www.rationalentertainment.com

Late Night, Comedy Store I find myself pacing near the parking lot.

“You alright?” asks Kyle Henson.

“I’m not being antisocial, but it’s like a dragon’s claw is squeezing my gut. I’d rather be socially awkward than shit myself. Cause shitting myself would be even more awkward and…”

Kyle stops me mid-sentence, “Just breathe, inhale and exhale.”

I take in Kyle’s words, “inhale, exhale” and the grip in my stomach loosens.

“Inhale, exhale” anxiety leaves the pit of my stomach. “Inhale, exhale..”

Suddenly Tony Hinchcliffe stops, pauses and says to me, “Whatever you’re doing, it’s not working”.

Then my stomach makes an audible grumble and I feel a dragon claw tear at my insides.


I shake my fist at the sky as realize the podcast is called Kill Tony for a good reason.

Well, if you’re going to get your balls busted, get them busted by the best.

"I'm a Houston comic, I thought the nerdy Mexican was going to lose." -- Ralphie May Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com

Ralphie May, Steve Rannazzisi, Jeff Ross, Pete Holmes and Mike Lawrence get to bust my balls too!

Now on to the Roast Battle!

Austin Vs. Houston!

Al Bahmani Vs. Chance Royce!

"Let's Roast!" -- Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

“Let’s Roast!” — Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

Funniest Person in Austin finalist Chance Royce’s insults hit hard. He delivered each insult with the conviction of a snake handler mid rapture “Al’s had the same glasses for 10 years. The only thing he’s used longer…are his jokes.”

Yeah Chance hit hard., I just hit back harder with“ Chance Royce is an environmentally safe comic, he uses 75% recycled premises.” and won.

“I thought the nerdy Mexican was going to lose”

Ralphie May

For a full play by play check out the Roast Report. Thank you Brian Moses and everyone at the Comedy Store from the Haters to the Wave who’s name I’m still learning for creating one hell of an event. Listen the Podcast Here! Thanks again to Troy Conrad for the great photos! Much respect to Chance Royce for representing Austin and being a good sport. Also Congrats to Austin comic Michael Monsour for winning his first Roast Battle! He dedicated his win to memory the late Monty Seitz.

"The Alamo Wins Again" -- Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad http://www.rationalentertainment.com

“The Alamo Wins Again” — Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com

So I’m 2-0 at Roast Battle!

It’s a great feeling that came to pass.

My next Roast Battle is October 13th, 2015 at the Comedy Store against Mike Schmidt!

No not the Phillies 3rd baseman from the 1970’s!

This Mike won the title of Madison’s Funniest Comic 2011!

So has anything changed?

Other than the comics at Show Up Go Up Variety Show singing me Happy Birthday and a beautiful woman walking up to the stage to kiss me. I normally don’t make grand events out of my birthday, damn that was awesome!

Thanks again Erik Marino and Kenny Lion for running a good show in a bomb proof room. In fact thank you Lahna Turner, Amber Lynn, Dinah Leffert, Tuesday Thomas, Brian Moses, Jose Trevizo, Frank Yi, Dick Williams, Clarke McMakin, Burt Teplitzky, Fielding Edlow and the gang at Canter’s Deli Kibitz Room and everyone else I forgot. Thank ya’ll for the opportunity to entertain folks and hone my voice at some fun at really interesting venues.

Follow @ShowUpGoUPShow on Twitter, Instagram & Periscope


Off stage the next morning following a night of great comedy arrives with reality of a hangover. You wake up and are reminded of your place in the scheme of things.

I still park at up that hill when I head to The Comedy Store. I still put my name in a bucket for the chance to sharpen up old bits and work on new bits at the open mics I go to. I still stumble into Bellyroom and sweat to watch the Roast Battles from a reflection like most comics. I still get stuck in traffic. Progress is slow. I can do only so much in twenty four hours. I can only push myself for so long. Pace myself, put in some work and pay my dues. Write, rewrite, organize, edit, record myself, submit to festivals, make and take opportunities when I see them. I’m still one car wreck, sickness or broken smartphone away from real hard times.

Recently I delivered a six pack of beer to a gal who was crying, “I’m sorry I’m not usually not like this.” she says to me as she wipes her eyes and tries to surpress another sniffle.

That’s alright, this too shall come to pass.

She smiles and perks up wanting to hear more.

In fact there are three sayings that are true for all times.

And they are?

“What is is. This too shall come to pass. And because Fuck You! That’s why!”

She snorts, laughs and gives me a fist bump.

It’s a good feeling, I’ll enjoy it while I still can.

Featured, Lifestyle, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

September 8, 2015
What did I get myself into?

Friday night August 30th, 2002, Laff Stop Houston, Texas

If I can’t go up on stage, I might as well catch a show and see how it’s done.

The marquee reads “Que Locos!”.

“Is this going to show in Spanish?” I ask myself.

I do my best to avoid the waitstaff’s way and catch the show from the stage right hallway. I accidentally bump into the feature act Felipe and watch the opener Armando Cosio finish up his set.

“Great job!” I tell him as he passes me by. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery and head home.

Saturday night, I finish up a video editing session, head to the Laff Stop and once again arrive as Armando is finishing up his set. I congratulate him again on the good job as he leaves the stage. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery again and head home.

Sunday my conscience gets the best of me, I told Armando good set, but I didn’t catch the full set and that just starts to tug at me on the inside. So I arrive early and see Armando, “Hey Mando, I got here early so I could catch your full set.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“By the way, why is the show called Que Locos?”

“It’s a show on Galavision.”

“The Spanish station?”

“Yeah and it’s in English.”

“Cool..  Break a leg”

I watch the rest of Armando’s set, then head to the bar and order a Dr. Pepper.

“Hey Al, Gabe wants to talk to you.”

Armando introduces me to his fluffy friend, Gabriel.

“You a comic?”

“Yeah, well, I just do open mic”

“So what’s your name?”

“Al, Al Bahma… Al B.”

“So Al B, how many minutes do you have?”

“Five, I’m.. ”

“You know what? Check this out.” Gabriel leads me to the side of the stage and points me towards the packed audience.

“See this crowd? This crowd is hot!”


Then Gabriel points me towards his middle act, “Felipe’s not even doing his best stuff and he’s killing it!”


“In fact this audience so hot, whoever goes up next will absolutely kill it.”


“I believe that so much that you’re going up next”


As soon as I realize what I agreed to, I then feel my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

Armando gets up on stage and introduces me, I go up and bomb horribly.

It was craptacular, uncomfortable and quite honestly at the time, I was too dirty for the audience.

Still one joke got in there with a positive response.

“They tell you when you’re nervous in public speaking to imagine the entire audience is naked.

Well I just did that. Now I’m blind.”

Normally it would get a chuckle, this time it was a four second applause break. Feeling that roar of the crowd for the first time on stage is powerful stuff. It’s like a shark tasting blood for the first time.

I was hooked. I want, not want, I need. I need more of this. I need to get better. I need to get funnier.

Even got a souvenir too!

Even got a souvenir too!

Afterwards Armando brings me some birthday cake because it happened to be his birthday. While snacking on cake I ask, “Why me? What about the other better local comics?”

“Yeah, but you’re only one that said hello.”

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Two Comics Walk On Stage, One Walks Out

August 11, 2015
Battle Battle Battle!

How can I describe it without sounding like a lunatic*? Here we go.

"Before you go for it, you got to know the joke." -- Jeffrey Ross

“Before you go for it, you got to know the joke.”
— Jeffrey Ross

Take the Comedy Central Roasts, add a splash of 8 Mile, 2 parts Fight Club, a dash of nonsense from The Muppet Show thrown in for good fun and blend. No punches are pulled, no jabs are held back Roast Battle is verbal violence of epic proportions!  Friendships and rivalries are forged, faustian bargains are made and of course there are zingers galore.

Two comics walk on stage. One walks out victorious.

And the other just leaves.

And the other just leaves.

Did I mention celebrity guest commentary? Out of random Jeff Ross, Dane Cook, Jason Reitman, Iliza Schlesinger, Tony Hinchcliffe, Mike Lawrence, The Harlem Globetrotters**, Rich Voss, Stephen Merchant and even Joe Rogan may pop in and provide color commentary.  And it ends in a hug.

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

It’s happening tonight and I’m going up and I’m going up against Austin Texas’s own and Austin’s Funniest Chance Royce!

My opponent.  (Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

My opponent.
(Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

If you can get there early. Comics and audience will literally stew in their own juices in the Comedy Store Belly Room just to get at least a good reflection off of a reflection of a view from someone’s periscope view.

Show begins at 2am Central Time, Midnight LA Time at the Comedy Store.

For more info, here’s a link to LA Weekly Article, the podcast and the Tumblr.

Still Swinging!

Still Swinging! Photo by Anthony Rathbun


*Or a hyper active 7 year old talking about dinosaurs.

** They could!

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, Travel, True Lies

When You Arrive in Los Angeles

August 4, 2015
Don't Stop Sign

When you arrive in Los Angeles, they welcome you with a traffic ticket, a fender bender and the middle finger.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I'm greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I’m greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

Best part about Los Angeles, the weather. What people call a bad day in LA would make a great day in Houston weather wise.

Worst part about Los Angeles, the people. They suck.

Continue Reading…