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To Be Continued…

July 14, 2016
The 12 Steps to The Comedy Store's Belly Room, only 12 steps most comics have completed.

“For tonight, our best hope is that both battlers have learned from past missteps, and are ready to make adjustments and come out swinging. It’s a fight for Roast Battle legitimacy, and we’ll see who the last man standing will be. “

Dan Nolan

Verbal Violence Roast Report 

So how did the Roast Battle go?  

Roast Battle photos by Troy Conrad Top left Joshua Meyrowitz, Coach Tea, My Roast battle against Cody Morley with host Brian Moses

Roast Battle photos by Troy Conrad
Top left Joshua Meyrowitz, Coach Tea, My Roast battle against Cody Morley with host Brian Moses

“Just as we saw in the first battle, the jokes start out with strong reactions from the audience and quickly dip in quality, but the energy of the room never goes off course.

Cody‘s Orlando joke works very well until he tries to tag it, and neither contender hits much of a pop after that. Yet, the mood remains light, and a draw is declared which means neither battler really loses.

In a room where booing performers off the stage is a completely viable option, there are far worse fates then a tie. “

Dan Nolan Roast Report

I flubbed a line, didn’t enunciate my words in a spot there and missed out on an opportunity for victory. Got zinged good by a Sklar brother and Earl Skakel. It went from the audience from chanting “One More Joke! One More Joke! One More Joke!” to chanting “One Less Joke! One Less Joke! One Less Joke!” to Coach Tea playing out the audience to Queen’s “We Are The Champions.”

For those keeping score at home my Roast Battle record is 2 Wins, 3 losses and now one tie. It’s not the win I wanted, yet it’s not the loss I dreaded. Not bad with six days to practice from confirmation to battle. Thanks again Cody Morley for being a good sport.

Alex Duong Triumphant Against Nick Petrillo Decreed by Brian Moses photo by Troy Conrad

Alex Duong Triumphant Against Nick Petrillo Decreed by Brian Moses photo by Troy Conrad

Also kudos to main event winners Alex Duong and Pat Barker for your well earned wins. Alex was the one who introduced me to Roast Battles and got me into this mess in the first place. Roast Battles at the Comedy Store are brutal, nerve wracking and at times down right despicable. My soul is tainted and I am ruined beyond redemption, from the bottom of my heart thank you Alex! You bastard!

And now Roast Battle is going to be on Comedy Central! Kudos to all the LA comics that got spots on the commercial!

So what now?

How About Some Shameless Self Promotion Followed by Semi-Sentimental Musings On Los Angeles?

SHAMELESS PLUGS STARTING IN 5.. 4.. 3.. 2… NOW!

Saturday July 23rd, 2016

9pm at Oddville, It’s HOLLA FOR A DOLLA!

See Me And Other Comics Perform!

And Get Paid!

Like Strippers!  

Make It Rain! Make It Rain! Make It Rain!

IMG_2478 (1)

Oddville. A Creative Space

734 S. Main St

Los Angeles, Ca 90014

Saturday July 30th, 2016

I’m hosting the Comedy Asylum Show at the Amaro Winery in Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Hosting @AmaroWinery Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Hosting @AmaroWinery Las Cruces, New Mexico!

Amaro Winery

402 South Melendres

Las Cruces, New Mexico 88005

Also I’ll be at the Comedy Store Sunday, July 31st, 2016 telling Bedtime Stories! 10:30pm

UnOfficial Temporary Poster, You Get The Idea,,

UnOfficial Temporary Poster, You Get The Idea…

The Comedy Store

8433 Sunset Blvd.

Los Angeles, Ca 90069

 

First Saturday of Every Month It's Food and Show in North Ridge!

First Saturday of Every Month It’s Food and Show in North Ridge! All That Fun For Ten Bucks!

This show has Empanadas! Yup Empanadas! Hell Yeah! Shout to Mrs. Excellence and Tuna for putting together a fun show at a most non traditional venue!

Gigs come gigs go. A venue may close a booker may decide that they want to go with someone else. At any moment the moment you prepare yourself for could just end. Still at any moment another opportunity presents itself. I’ve been finding myself impressed by the sheer number of non traditional shows! Comics in this city find a way to make shows happen.

One of my favorite spots on Sunday is Bomb Mic

BombMic

Some of the faces you see at Bomb Mic in Silverlake Jordan Perry, Omid Singh, Rena Hundert, Jeff Carrisalez!

Bomb Mic at Food Not Bombs is quite honestly one of my favorite mics on a Sunday. Comics pitch in together bring food, drink or throw a couple of bucks in the hat.

It’s called #BombMic because they record the show and then release it 5 years later via Podcast, a Time Bomb.

Sign ups at Sunday 12:45pm
Show starts at 1pm
Finishes at 3pm

1069 Sanborn Ave,

LA CA 90029

Word of Advice: Bring your own cup.

Here with the closest thing I can have to a dog right now without being evicted from my Harry Potter living conditions. Photo by Raab Russell

Photo by Raab Russell @A1Raab

I haven’t downloaded it, I can’t start a new video game at least until I finish Final Fantasy 6. Quite frankly the Pokemon Go phone App makes me feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone. GPS mixed with augmented reality and multiplayer in a video game is quite unsettling ?!  The full impact of this probably wasn’t even predicted by Rod Serling, Robert Heinlein or Ray Bradbury. Maybe William Gibson, Norman Spinrad, Warren Ellis or Philip K. Dick figured this out? Between Robot Bombs taking out snipers in Dallas, penis transplants and sending people to Mars, anything is possible. I find myself reading old school Science Fiction to make sense of today’s news.

On the bright side Pokemon Go has made me feel safer. I was walking home from the Comedy Store 2 am in morning and I was greeted multiple times by random folks trying to catch Pokemon. Nice folks who encouraged me to join them catch a Psyduck. It made me feel safe. I figure if someone’s more likely to get robbed it’s them. Just keep speed walking and make no eye contact with no one. Get close enough and Uber home the rest of the trip.

How are you doing? No seriously how are you doing, good, bad, Meh?

Depends on where you decide to end the story. Right now, it’s to be continued.

 

 

 

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Back To Zero

January 27, 2016
Photo by Troy Conrad

My 2016 Resolution: Buy New Pants! 

To hear your own voice is a surreal thing, for me it’s even more surreal hearing it on a podcast that I actually listen to.

Here’s a Teaser and a link below:

“Al Bahmani was shot, but the painful part of the story happened later.”

Looking for a Podcast to binge one? “Until I Lose Interest” is a darker grittier version of this American Life.

Some of my favorite episodes of David Taylor‘s Until I Lose Interest podcast have been Nia DeBose, Keith Carey, Tait Fletcher, Jerry Rocha, Haiti, and George Perez. There are moments of insanity, darkness, laughs and sometimes you find yourself with maybe a lesson at the end or more questions.

For the most part it was a fun experience. There are story details that were fuzzed up and have details within detail within to tell.  I also realized that there are times I lose the ability to talk and can only describe things in a series of grunts and sighs. Quite honestly this was my first one on one podcast and I found myself realizing that afterwards.

And this Wednesday I’ll get a chance to go into greater detail at the World Famous Comedy Store!

Real Stories

This is actually pretty cool it’s not just me there’s Carl Gottlieb wrote the screenplay for “Jaws” and co wrote “The Jerk” with Steve Martin and Carl Reiner.

Also are stage are Dylan Brody, Carrie Snow, Joan Fagan, Dan Morales, Alex Marshi, Jeremy Paul, Dinah Leffert and it’s hosted by Steven Alan Green. The guy who beat me at my last roast battle.

The Comedy Store Belly Room

8433 Sunset Blvd

Los Angeles, California 90069

Tickets are 5 bucks w 2 Drink Minimum and can be purchased here!

Do You Like Country Music?

Shawn Halpin and Eric Carter‘s Do You Like Country Music 

It’s Shake N Bake and I helped! Did some assistant directing and PA work on this. I had fun. Don’t worry I still have more of my own sketches in the pipeline waiting to be edited. It is fun to make things Halpin. I know I haven’t had this much fun with a name since Ku Egenti.

Here’s where you can find other sketches of mine!

LA Street

All in the span of one day Los Angeles can be both the best and the worst place in the world. It’s been almost 9 months and yet it feels like I’ve been here much longer.

Recently I was introduced to someone’s girlfriend as “one of the first cool people they met in LA“. It really warmed my heart. Then he checked his Facebook and asked me “Why I’m not friends with him?” So I went to add him. “Um dude I did add you, you just never responded.” Good feeling gone.

Officially I am now a Californian. Dear Lord, what have I gotten myself into? I’m still in shock that I’ve traded my Texas License for a California one. It was needed. I just have to keep reminding myself I’m still a Texan at heart.  Just got to remember to bring the Texas with me and I’ll be fine. Sometimes you have to leave home to appreciate it. A lot of my favorite people are still in Texas. I’m in California making new ones. Then again if you have more friends than fingers then you probably have very few friends or very few  fingers. In the meantime it still is cool to be surrounded by a rotating cast of talented folks of all different levels from all four corners of the earth.

The Roast Battle documentary by Jason Reitman has hit Sundance! 

Oh and I’m all over this trailer. Woo Hoo! Plastic validation!  So I lost my last two Roast Battles. Current record 2 wins 2 losses. So I’m back to zero.

The stage lights in Los Angeles attract both talent and moths. There are a lot of moths here. If I were a paranoid person I’d say they raise the gas prices in Los Angeles to flush people out of the state.

There are nights I go home and feel like I’m on top of the world. Good thing this city has things like parking tickets, random fines, rent increases, car troubles, roast battle loses, a day job and random acts of street violence to keep me humble.

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

If You’re Going To Get Your Balls Busted…

September 14, 2015
Green Room Hallway Life — with Erica Mills, Al Bahmani, Jeremiah Watkins, Ahamed Weinberg, Chance Royce, Brian Moses at The World Famous Comedy Store. Photo by Troy Conrad http://www.rationalentertainment.com

Late Night, Comedy Store I find myself pacing near the parking lot.

“You alright?” asks Kyle Henson.

“I’m not being antisocial, but it’s like a dragon’s claw is squeezing my gut. I’d rather be socially awkward than shit myself. Cause shitting myself would be even more awkward and…”

Kyle stops me mid-sentence, “Just breathe, inhale and exhale.”

I take in Kyle’s words, “inhale, exhale” and the grip in my stomach loosens.

“Inhale, exhale” anxiety leaves the pit of my stomach. “Inhale, exhale..”

Suddenly Tony Hinchcliffe stops, pauses and says to me, “Whatever you’re doing, it’s not working”.

Then my stomach makes an audible grumble and I feel a dragon claw tear at my insides.

Bastard.

I shake my fist at the sky as realize the podcast is called Kill Tony for a good reason.

Well, if you’re going to get your balls busted, get them busted by the best.

"I'm a Houston comic, I thought the nerdy Mexican was going to lose." -- Ralphie May Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com

Ralphie May, Steve Rannazzisi, Jeff Ross, Pete Holmes and Mike Lawrence get to bust my balls too!

Now on to the Roast Battle!

Austin Vs. Houston!

Al Bahmani Vs. Chance Royce!

"Let's Roast!" -- Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

“Let’s Roast!” — Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com/

Funniest Person in Austin finalist Chance Royce’s insults hit hard. He delivered each insult with the conviction of a snake handler mid rapture “Al’s had the same glasses for 10 years. The only thing he’s used longer…are his jokes.”

Yeah Chance hit hard., I just hit back harder with“ Chance Royce is an environmentally safe comic, he uses 75% recycled premises.” and won.

“I thought the nerdy Mexican was going to lose”

Ralphie May

For a full play by play check out the Roast Report. Thank you Brian Moses and everyone at the Comedy Store from the Haters to the Wave who’s name I’m still learning for creating one hell of an event. Listen the Podcast Here! Thanks again to Troy Conrad for the great photos! Much respect to Chance Royce for representing Austin and being a good sport. Also Congrats to Austin comic Michael Monsour for winning his first Roast Battle! He dedicated his win to memory the late Monty Seitz.

"The Alamo Wins Again" -- Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad http://www.rationalentertainment.com

“The Alamo Wins Again” — Brian Moses Photo by Troy Conrad 2015 http://www.rationalentertainment.com

So I’m 2-0 at Roast Battle!

It’s a great feeling that came to pass.

My next Roast Battle is October 13th, 2015 at the Comedy Store against Mike Schmidt!

No not the Phillies 3rd baseman from the 1970’s!

This Mike won the title of Madison’s Funniest Comic 2011!

So has anything changed?

Other than the comics at Show Up Go Up Variety Show singing me Happy Birthday and a beautiful woman walking up to the stage to kiss me. I normally don’t make grand events out of my birthday, damn that was awesome!

Thanks again Erik Marino and Kenny Lion for running a good show in a bomb proof room. In fact thank you Lahna Turner, Amber Lynn, Dinah Leffert, Tuesday Thomas, Brian Moses, Jose Trevizo, Frank Yi, Dick Williams, Clarke McMakin, Burt Teplitzky, Fielding Edlow and the gang at Canter’s Deli Kibitz Room and everyone else I forgot. Thank ya’ll for the opportunity to entertain folks and hone my voice at some fun at really interesting venues.

Follow @ShowUpGoUPShow on Twitter, Instagram & Periscope

#SHAMLESSPLUG

Off stage the next morning following a night of great comedy arrives with reality of a hangover. You wake up and are reminded of your place in the scheme of things.

I still park at up that hill when I head to The Comedy Store. I still put my name in a bucket for the chance to sharpen up old bits and work on new bits at the open mics I go to. I still stumble into Bellyroom and sweat to watch the Roast Battles from a reflection like most comics. I still get stuck in traffic. Progress is slow. I can do only so much in twenty four hours. I can only push myself for so long. Pace myself, put in some work and pay my dues. Write, rewrite, organize, edit, record myself, submit to festivals, make and take opportunities when I see them. I’m still one car wreck, sickness or broken smartphone away from real hard times.

Recently I delivered a six pack of beer to a gal who was crying, “I’m sorry I’m not usually not like this.” she says to me as she wipes her eyes and tries to surpress another sniffle.

That’s alright, this too shall come to pass.

She smiles and perks up wanting to hear more.

In fact there are three sayings that are true for all times.

And they are?

“What is is. This too shall come to pass. And because Fuck You! That’s why!”

She snorts, laughs and gives me a fist bump.

It’s a good feeling, I’ll enjoy it while I still can.

Featured, Lifestyle, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

September 8, 2015
What did I get myself into?

Friday night August 30th, 2002, Laff Stop Houston, Texas

If I can’t go up on stage, I might as well catch a show and see how it’s done.

The marquee reads “Que Locos!”.

“Is this going to show in Spanish?” I ask myself.

I do my best to avoid the waitstaff’s way and catch the show from the stage right hallway. I accidentally bump into the feature act Felipe and watch the opener Armando Cosio finish up his set.

“Great job!” I tell him as he passes me by. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery and head home.

Saturday night, I finish up a video editing session, head to the Laff Stop and once again arrive as Armando is finishing up his set. I congratulate him again on the good job as he leaves the stage. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery again and head home.

Sunday my conscience gets the best of me, I told Armando good set, but I didn’t catch the full set and that just starts to tug at me on the inside. So I arrive early and see Armando, “Hey Mando, I got here early so I could catch your full set.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“By the way, why is the show called Que Locos?”

“It’s a show on Galavision.”

“The Spanish station?”

“Yeah and it’s in English.”

“Cool..  Break a leg”

I watch the rest of Armando’s set, then head to the bar and order a Dr. Pepper.

“Hey Al, Gabe wants to talk to you.”

Armando introduces me to his fluffy friend, Gabriel.

“You a comic?”

“Yeah, well, I just do open mic”

“So what’s your name?”

“Al, Al Bahma… Al B.”

“So Al B, how many minutes do you have?”

“Five, I’m.. ”

“You know what? Check this out.” Gabriel leads me to the side of the stage and points me towards the packed audience.

“See this crowd? This crowd is hot!”

“Yup.”

Then Gabriel points me towards his middle act, “Felipe’s not even doing his best stuff and he’s killing it!”

“Yup.”

“In fact this audience so hot, whoever goes up next will absolutely kill it.”

“Yup.”

“I believe that so much that you’re going up next”

“Yup.”

As soon as I realize what I agreed to, I then feel my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

Armando gets up on stage and introduces me, I go up and bomb horribly.

It was craptacular, uncomfortable and quite honestly at the time, I was too dirty for the audience.

Still one joke got in there with a positive response.

“They tell you when you’re nervous in public speaking to imagine the entire audience is naked.

Well I just did that. Now I’m blind.”

Normally it would get a chuckle, this time it was a four second applause break. Feeling that roar of the crowd for the first time on stage is powerful stuff. It’s like a shark tasting blood for the first time.

I was hooked. I want, not want, I need. I need more of this. I need to get better. I need to get funnier.

Even got a souvenir too!

Even got a souvenir too!

Afterwards Armando brings me some birthday cake because it happened to be his birthday. While snacking on cake I ask, “Why me? What about the other better local comics?”

“Yeah, but you’re only one that said hello.”

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Two Comics Walk On Stage, One Walks Out

August 11, 2015
Battle Battle Battle!

How can I describe it without sounding like a lunatic*? Here we go.

"Before you go for it, you got to know the joke." -- Jeffrey Ross

“Before you go for it, you got to know the joke.”
— Jeffrey Ross

Take the Comedy Central Roasts, add a splash of 8 Mile, 2 parts Fight Club, a dash of nonsense from The Muppet Show thrown in for good fun and blend. No punches are pulled, no jabs are held back Roast Battle is verbal violence of epic proportions!  Friendships and rivalries are forged, faustian bargains are made and of course there are zingers galore.

Two comics walk on stage. One walks out victorious.

And the other just leaves.

And the other just leaves.

Did I mention celebrity guest commentary? Out of random Jeff Ross, Dane Cook, Jason Reitman, Iliza Schlesinger, Tony Hinchcliffe, Mike Lawrence, The Harlem Globetrotters**, Rich Voss, Stephen Merchant and even Joe Rogan may pop in and provide color commentary.  And it ends in a hug.

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

It’s happening tonight and I’m going up and I’m going up against Austin Texas’s own and Austin’s Funniest Chance Royce!

My opponent.  (Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

My opponent.
(Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

If you can get there early. Comics and audience will literally stew in their own juices in the Comedy Store Belly Room just to get at least a good reflection off of a reflection of a view from someone’s periscope view.

Show begins at 2am Central Time, Midnight LA Time at the Comedy Store.

For more info, here’s a link to LA Weekly Article, the podcast and the Tumblr.

Still Swinging!

Still Swinging! Photo by Anthony Rathbun

 

*Or a hyper active 7 year old talking about dinosaurs.

** They could!

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, Travel, True Lies

When You Arrive in Los Angeles

August 4, 2015
Don't Stop Sign

When you arrive in Los Angeles, they welcome you with a traffic ticket, a fender bender and the middle finger.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I'm greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I’m greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

Best part about Los Angeles, the weather. What people call a bad day in LA would make a great day in Houston weather wise.

Worst part about Los Angeles, the people. They suck.

Continue Reading…

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Teddy Bear Suicides

July 27, 2015
DeadyBear

Someone or something is killing the teddy bears of Los Angeles.

Fountain & Gower

Fountain & Gower

There’s a teddy bear hanging from a power line.  Oh and here’s another and another.

Waring in between Alfred & La Cienega

Waring in between Alfred & La Cienega

I’ve been taking photos and making notes. It’s a hobby or sorts. What could it be? Artists? A childhood died here? Teddy Bear Suicides?  A Ted 2 marketing ploy? Drug related?

Fairfax and Oakley

Fairfax and Oakley

 What do they mean? A murder? Lynching of imaginary friends? Gang related? The LA Death Museum had no answers. Neither did most folks. I tell people and they look at me like I’m crazy. I might even solve a mystery. I doubt it.

Then I noticed.

Are they next?

Are they next?

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over

February 10, 2015
Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over Feat

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over :

noun

The feeling of being too tired of having a great time on and off stage for an entire weekend.

Example: After hosting for the entire weekend at Warehouse Live Ashton Womack suffered a Come and Take It Comedy Hangover!

The Come And Take It Comedy Take Over was everything I expected and much more. They even wrote some nice things about my fellow Houston Comics and myself in the paper and the festival right over here.

Continue Reading…