Texas – Al Be Good

Featured, True Lies

TBT-Requiem For A Comedy Club

August 30, 2019

December 19th, 2009, the Houston Laff Stop closed its doors.

Here are some facts for those of ya’ll at home keeping score.

Last open mic night: December 9th, 2009

Last host and emcee: Barrett Goldsmith

Last feature act: Mike Vance

Last guest spot: Slim Bloodworth

Last headliner: Carl Faulkenberry

Last club owner: Don Learned

Last general manager: Scott Garrett

Last doorman: Frank Garcia

Last bartender: Michael “Roach” Duran

Last winner of Houston’s Funniest Person Contest: John Gard

Here’s a link to the Houston Chronicle’s Retrospective

http://www.chron.com/entertainment/photogallery/Laff_Stop_19812009.html

Here’s ace reporter Dusti Rhode’s account

http://blogs.houstonpress.com/hairballs/2009/12/laff_stop_houston_closed.php

I told a friend. His response, “The Laff Stop is closed? I thought it closed years ago.”

Others still have millions of questions.

“So what happened?”, they all ask.

Some people claimed to read the writing on the wall way earlier. Some go as far back to ten years ago. One person said the first domino fell down the night management changed and Larry The Cable Guy was booked to a sold-out crowd.

Others point out allegations of embezzlement, a double shot of alleged managerial incompetence mixed with a bad economy.

Older faces quit, new faces appear with the consistency of a revolving door, lackluster crowds, perks disappear, new rules and times for open mics, goodwill gets lost on all sides of the club dynamic and locations changes, loss of local showcases, apathy to comics, apathy of comics, beer sold by the bucket, Gilbert Gottfried having trouble to fill the venue, comics feeling no longer welcome, comics moving forward in life, comics falling out of life, comics being banned from open mics, comics being forced to choose performance space. And that’s before the Laff Spot bought the Laff Stop.

Yes, the copy, the Laff Spot bought the original, the Laff Stop. It’s weird and confusing. Like Coca Cola being bought out by Koko Coola.

During that time club owner, Don Learned was given a chance to buy the Laff Stop, he was already planning to move his club, ‘The Laff Spot’ from it’s Willowbrook location to it’s Louetta Road location.

Most likely that change of venue didn’t do as well as planned. With enough resources to run one comedy club at a time, Don Learned was forced to make a decision. Which club do I keep? Do I keep the one in my name? Or do I keep the one with the better reputation and location that’s not in my name? In the end, he chose to save the one in his name. Faced with the same set of circumstances’ Do I save my kid or the adopted kid?’ many people would do the same.

For many weeks the inner knitting circles of Houston comics were buzzing rumors.

“Did you hear about the Stop? Keep it a secret don’t tell anyone.” gets repeated over and over, leading to Friday, December 18th, 2009 comedian Scott White posts the Facebook status update which sends ripples across the internet.

Leading to Shecky Magazine.com posting Laff Stop closing in 14 Hours.

http://www.sheckymagazine.com/2009/12/houston-laff-stop-closing-in-about-14.html

What I didn’t understand. Why the secret? Wouldn’t it make better sense for comics to know? Wouldn’t it make sense marketing-wise? The Chronicle and other media venues could have gotten involved. More people would have come, filled out the club and give it the send-off it deserved. For many folks their time at the Stop was magical. It should of ended with a bang, it ended on a whimper. It was a third show on a Saturday night with 50-60 people in the audience and a gathering of knitting circle comics who haven’t hit a stage in a long time, taking photos and snatching keepsakes when nobody was. It could have been grand, instead, it was meh.

“Feels more like an execution than a goodbye,” Staci Komp tells me as multiple comics take their keepsakes as a reminder of times past. Rob Mungle tells everyone about the impromptu Irish Wake at the original location which is now the Sherlocks on West Gray.

What did I get myself into?

Here are some of the things overheard at the Eulogy.

I remember hosting an open mic and a headliner bumping someone off the list. So I said, ‘This next act calls himself an Entertainer. If you have to use the word Entertainer in your name, you’re probably not one. Give it up for Cedric the Entertainer.’

–Martin Walsh

Sarah Tollemache, Diane Cups and Kristin Lindner team up and rip on each other a new one. Billy D. Washington recounted his one side abusive love affair with the club. And reminded comics to look beyond the cliques. Rob Mungle thanked everyone in a speech that made even most hardened bastard get misty-eyed. It was a bittersweet night which ended with little baby getting on the mic.

Even got a souvenir too!

Gone are the Wednesday night open mic lines that start at 3:30 pm. Gone are the nights hanging out comics, staff, and fans after a show. I remember seeing Mitch Hedberg rock the mic. Don Irrera giving advice. Doug Stanhope recording “Die Laughing” right after 9/11. Gabriel Iglesias, Felipe Esparza, and Armando Cosio giving me my first guest spot. Interviewing Dane Cook in the green room. Shooting sketches with the Boscos sketch comedy troupe. Watching the Brassy Broads and Black and Blue shows. Driving Daniel Tosh to his hotel room. Hanging out with Bryan Hurzie, Niki Key and the many talented cast of characters that populated the Houston scene. Witnessing Dave Attell doing a sold-out show and living up to his reputation. Chuckling to myself knowing every show started with 2 video shorts Mark Babbitt had me shoot. I remember the Open Mic on 9/10/2001. I remember taking a bus to sign up on a Monday night after my car died a painful death. Albert DeLeon and Larry Simon teaming up to disturb people. Monday nights were spent learning to make strangers laughs. So many characters, so many memories, joy and pain, it was a good time. I’m glad I made the most of it.

Later at the Comedy Showcase, Annual Christmas Party / Cajun Queen Birthday Bash. Caroline Picard makes proudly displays the chaffing dishes that go back from her old restaurant from way back.

“It’s just like the time before, back when the comedy boom of the 80’s went bust. Time to get off the pot or shit. A lot of ‘comics’ are either going to continue on or get a new hobby. Take a look at today’s big names. They’re the ones that kept on going.”

Ultimately that is all we can do.

*Montage photo of Houston Laff Stop Comedy Scene Regulars by Steve Ryan more can be found on www.Marley.net

Photo from 2006 Houston Comedy Festival by Marc Katz

Currently as of 2019 there are only 2 comedy clubs in the greater Houston area, The Secret Group & The Houston Improv.

Featured, True Lies, Uncategorized

Space City Madness

March 1, 2019

Houston, Texas, a long time ago….

“New beginnings are scary at first.”, Slim tells me as we sip coffee on the patio. I had just settled into my first apartment by myself in Montrose.

Suddenly, “Ahhhh! I cut myself because I was angry at him!” the 17 year-old girl next door bursts out of her apartment. She yelps as she drops her large blood-stained kitchen knife.

“Honey, why you crying?” Slim asks.

“It hurts!”

“Of course it’s going to hurt, it’s a knife that’s what they do when you use them on yourself. “ Slim has me spitting out my coffee.

I excuse myself, head to my apartment and grab a random shirt from the door. I wrap the shirt around her arm.

“You know what you did is stupid.” Slim continues to hit the hapless girl with savage one-liner after one-liner.

“Yeah, you’re right Slim, new beginnings are scary at first.

The ambulance arrives Slim and I finish our coffee. That’s when I knew I was home.

I think of Slim’s words as I hug her wife Alex as I head out of Texas to California…

Featured, True Lies, Uncategorized

Touchee Jackson: He spoke as fast as he lived.

May 2, 2017

You might remember Donta’ (pronounced Don-Tay) Touchee Jackson from that time you wanted to kill him. When we first met, we threatened to kill each other at the Tavern open mic. That feeling passed as quickly as it came back and passed and came back and forth. To know Touchee Jackson is to curse him out.

He was a tall mountain of a man who spoke like the love child of Mr. T and Boomhauer. Touche spoke his mind and gave you a piece of it, (*whether or not if you’d want to hear it). Once you got to know Donta, you already knew, you’d want to hear it twice. You knew where stood with him. And he knew where you stood with him.

Over the years, we always ran into each other for brief moments. An open mic here, a local show here or a night spot there. Those moments in the trenches between and after the mics up to no good.

81+One year, on his birthday, he took the time to help me replace the water pump on my 1997 Nissan pickup truck. As you move forward in life, you don’t spend time with someone you hate just because. I offered him some cash, he didn’t take it, but he did take a beer.

Then came random texts of “You talk to Touchee’?” to multiple phone calls leading to social media posts through the different parts of the city and the world. Then more frantic texts leading to frantic calls leading to frantic voicemails and a somber realization while prepping out dick jokes at a Monday night open mic at a bar.

The church service was the first time some comics actually saw each other in years. I get lost listening to other Houston comics.

“Man that preacher’s got good stage presence!

Wow! I had no idea old dude is still alive?!

His son’s so big now!

Man, Billy D. gave a good eulogy!

You riding out to the the burial.

Yea, I need to fuel up first, I’ll be right there.”

And then I get lost on the way to the burial ground.

“Hmm, this flower shop might have directions.”

I wander to the flower shop and get in line behind the two people buying flowers. I ask for directions and out of guilt, I buy the cheapest flowers I could find.

“$7.00! Damn that’s a lot of money for flowers.”

I can now hear Touchee heckling from beyond, “Albee you’re stupid! Men don’t buy men flowers! Put that back fool! Put that back!” I ignore imaginary Touchee, pay the cashier and follow their directions to the burial ground.

I park my car, next to comic cars I recognize and head to mourning tent to pay my respects. I get settled in line when I see Carolyn Agnew waving at me from across the street. I scan the mourners and confirm, I don’t know anybody here. Yup, I know no one here. The Houston comics are at the burial tent across the way. I wave hi to Carolyn Agnew and smile awkwardly. I’m so at the wrong coffin.

So, I have two choices. Do I walk away, let it slide and rejoin my fellow comics. Or should I go back and get those flowers back. As I turn around to retrieve my $7.00 offering, I feel a tug at my sports coat. I turn and I see an old frail lady who smiles at me with tears in her eyes.

“No prob.”

I head off to join the rest of the gang. Somewhere outside of space and time, I can hear Touchee Jackson calling me stupid. I curse his name one last time as I pay my respects.

Featured, Travel, True Lies

Texodus: Prequel

February 12, 2016

Note: Originally fully compiled September 23rd 2005 from made before during and after Hurricane Rita landed on the Gulf Coast which was a couple of months after Hurricane Katrina and edited around.

According to Wikipedia was “the fourth-most intense Atlantic hurricane ever recorded and the most intense tropical cyclone ever observed in the Gulf of Mexico”.

When the only bird you see flying in the air is a buzzard, that’s a good sign to leave.

Hurricanes take time to hit or just strike, I can stay or go.

The stars do look good tonight.

Danny Rios, and my neighbor Brandy piled into my little red Nissan pick up truck, combined our resources together and have formed a tight knit mini tribe. The previous 48 hours I had been on phone saying goodbyes, texting friends.

I also spent the part of the day, hurricane-proofing a friend’s place with duct tape, a chipped electric screwdriver that loses it’s screw bit, 12 boards and random drift wood.

Danny Rios and Brandy take turns, walking on side the road. I’m the only one that can drive stick. Cds and a used iPod make the trip go down faster with a soundtrack by the Violent Femmes, The Ramones and The Clash.

The trip to Austin normally is about a two or three hour drive depending on which part of the city you’re leaving from. How can I make such good writing notes?

Well the entire hurricane evacuation, this Texodus has been 14 hours straight of driving, I mean crawling in a modern day caravan. I barely feel legs right now. and can do only so much to keep mind occupied. This crawling in traffic really sucks. No air conditioning, this really sucks. Someone left their animals dead on the road. Some have just stopped, ran out of gas literally and emotionally. Hotels and motels from Eagle Lake on are maxed out in occupancy. Some gas stations and rest areas have become make shift campgrounds of automobiles.

Head is getting heavy right now. Must…. Stay… Awake….

“Eat, sleep, and shit shrimp. Head out get laid, get drunk, and head out to get laid is what I plan on doing.” that was the line to remember from the Baytown gig at the Tiki Hut. The man who said it had one leg and was bearded shrimper in a cowboy hat.

It was a fun gig with big audience of 10 people, not comics but people at bar. While a hurricane is about to hit the state. Wow. I noticed all the tvs are on the Weather channel. “That’s to bring up Drink sales.” explained the one legged shrimper. “We’re doomed, enjoy the $1.50 long neck and the $5 dollar sirloin steak and baked potato.” That’s a silver lining to the upcoming dark clouds literally ahead on the horizon. The steak was good and quite honestly that was the best tasting baked potato I’ve had in the longest time.

Wednesday morning my mother calls me, and share with me the Texapocalyptic vision she had in sleep last night. The plants in Pasadena release out a chemical which gets in the air and just kills people. Army rounds up the rest and kills everyone in the Astrodome. And that’s after the babies are raped.

We each do things to keep our minds occupied in between the sluggish pace, phone calls, and text messages to friends and loved ones. Brandy tries to takes a photo right before her battery craps out. I want to capture this moment. Must remember the little moments. Danny Rios reading the Houston Press on upcoming shows at coming into this city that have been cancelled like Hurricane at the Improv. You can’t make this up. Brandy peeing on the other side of 59 south near Sugar Land.

It’s the little moments you remember the most.

Other moments like near Sugar Creek in Sugar Land, this dude comes out passes out cups of water to people that needed or wanted it. “I live here, I just want to give water to those that need it”. Five minutes and five blocks later Danny points something out. “Holy Shit! Uncle Joey (Coco Diaz) is passing out water!” Actually it wasn’t. It was a dude from the Taqueria Arandas has people passing out water and pasteries. In the imaginary movie version or tv show it could be Joey “Coco” Diaz. I’m surprised at all the goodwill that has been going down still. It’s been good to see the best coming out of people when the chips are down.

I just want to describe it all with my words and some times words are just never enough.

Epilogue: Hurricane Rita missed Houston and ended up hitting Beaumont, Texas. The trip really wasn’t needed, but I got time off from work and got to visit Austin, Texas. Much work to catch up with.

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Two Comics Walk On Stage, One Walks Out

August 11, 2015

How can I describe it without sounding like a lunatic*? Here we go.

“Before you go for it, you got to know the joke.”
— Jeffrey Ross

Take the Comedy Central Roasts, add a splash of 8 Mile, 2 parts Fight Club, a dash of nonsense from The Muppet Show thrown in for good fun and blend. No punches are pulled, no jabs are held back Roast Battle is verbal violence of epic proportions! Friendships and rivalries are forged, faustian bargains are made and of course there are zingers galore.

Two comics walk on stage. One walks out victorious.

And the other just leaves.

Did I mention celebrity guest commentary? Out of random Jeff Ross, Dane Cook, Jason Reitman, Iliza Schlesinger, Tony Hinchcliffe, Mike Lawrence, The Harlem Globetrotters**, Rich Voss, Stephen Merchant and even Joe Rogan may pop in and provide color commentary. And it ends in a hug.

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

It’s happening tonight and I’m going up and I’m going up against Austin Texas’s own and Austin’s Funniest Chance Royce!

My opponent.
(Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

If you can get there early. Comics and audience will literally stew in their own juices in the Comedy Store Belly Room just to get at least a good reflection off of a reflection of a view from someone’s periscope view.

Show begins at 2am Central Time, Midnight LA Time at the Comedy Store.

For more info, here’s a link to LA Weekly Article, the podcast and the Tumblr.

Still Swinging! Photo by Anthony Rathbun

*Or a hyper active 7 year old talking about dinosaurs.

** They could!

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, Travel, True Lies

When You Arrive in Los Angeles

August 4, 2015

When you arrive in Los Angeles, they welcome you with a traffic ticket, a fender bender and the middle finger.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I’m greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

Best part about Los Angeles, the weather. What people call a bad day in LA would make a great day in Houston weather wise.

Worst part about Los Angeles, the people. They suck.

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over

February 10, 2015

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over :

noun

The feeling of being too tired of having a great time on and off stage for an entire weekend.

Example: After hosting for the entire weekend at Warehouse Live Ashton Womack suffered a Come and Take It Comedy Hangover!

The Come And Take It Comedy Take Over was everything I expected and much more. They even wrote some nice things about my fellow Houston Comics and myself in the paper and the festival right over here.

Featured, True Lies

Sunday was big, Sunday I meet Stan Lee!

December 26, 2014

Sunday was big, Sunday I meet Stan Lee!

To say the 12 year old me was as excited was the understatement of the decade! In my hands was a tattered and faded copy of an old Captain America comic I got at the Pearland flea market for a dollar. I slowly flip through the yellowed pages study the names on the page “Art by Jack Kirby” “Written by Stan Lee”. My mom calls me, I put the book in the plastic bag and board and we head out.

Five minutes later, my mom’s 1979 brown Volvo starts to spit smoke into the vehicle and breaks down in the middle of the road.

We avoid getting run over and push the car to the Food-A-Rama and wait by the pay phone.