Late Night, Comedy Store I find myself pacing near the parking lot.
“You alright?” asks Kyle Henson.
“I’m not being antisocial, but it’s like a dragon’s claw is squeezing my gut. I’d rather be socially awkward than shit myself. Cause shitting myself would be even more awkward and…”
Kyle stops me mid-sentence, “Just breathe, inhale and exhale.”
I take in Kyle’s words, “inhale, exhale” and the grip in my stomach loosens.
“Inhale, exhale” anxiety leaves the pit of my stomach. “Inhale, exhale..”
Suddenly Tony Hinchcliffe stops, pauses and says to me, “Whatever you’re doing, it’s not working”.
Then my stomach makes an audible grumble and I feel a dragon claw tear at my insides.
I shake my fist at the sky as realize the podcast is called Kill Tony for a good reason.
Well, if you’re going to get your balls busted, get them busted by the best.
Ralphie May, Steve Rannazzisi, Jeff Ross, Pete Holmes and Mike Lawrence get to bust my balls too!
Now on to the Roast Battle!
Austin Vs. Houston!
Al Bahmani Vs. Chance Royce!
Funniest Person in Austin finalist Chance Royce’s insults hit hard. He delivered each insult with the conviction of a snake handler mid rapture “Al’s had the same glasses for 10 years. The only thing he’s used longer…are his jokes.”
Yeah Chance hit hard., I just hit back harder with“ Chance Royce is an environmentally safe comic, he uses 75% recycled premises.” and won.
“I thought the nerdy Mexican was going to lose”
For a full play by play check out the Roast Report. Thank you Brian Moses and everyone at the Comedy Store from the Haters to the Wave who’s name I’m still learning for creating one hell of an event. Listen the Podcast Here! Thanks again to Troy Conrad for the great photos! Much respect to Chance Royce for representing Austin and being a good sport. Also Congrats to Austin comic Michael Monsour for winning his first Roast Battle! He dedicated his win to memory the late Monty Seitz.
So I’m 2-0 at Roast Battle!
It’s a great feeling that came to pass.
My next Roast Battle is October 13th, 2015 at the Comedy Store against Mike Schmidt!
No not the Phillies 3rd baseman from the 1970’s!
This Mike won the title of Madison’s Funniest Comic 2011!
So has anything changed?
Other than the comics at Show Up Go Up Variety Show singing me Happy Birthday and a beautiful woman walking up to the stage to kiss me. I normally don’t make grand events out of my birthday, damn that was awesome!
Thanks again Erik Marino and Kenny Lion for running a good show in a bomb proof room. In fact thank you Lahna Turner, Amber Lynn, Dinah Leffert, Tuesday Thomas, Brian Moses, Jose Trevizo, Frank Yi, Dick Williams, Clarke McMakin, Burt Teplitzky, Fielding Edlow and the gang at Canter’s Deli Kibitz Room and everyone else I forgot. Thank ya’ll for the opportunity to entertain folks and hone my voice at some fun at really interesting venues.
Off stage the next morning following a night of great comedy arrives with reality of a hangover. You wake up and are reminded of your place in the scheme of things.
I still park at up that hill when I head to The Comedy Store. I still put my name in a bucket for the chance to sharpen up old bits and work on new bits at the open mics I go to. I still stumble into Bellyroom and sweat to watch the Roast Battles from a reflection like most comics. I still get stuck in traffic. Progress is slow. I can do only so much in twenty four hours. I can only push myself for so long. Pace myself, put in some work and pay my dues. Write, rewrite, organize, edit, record myself, submit to festivals, make and take opportunities when I see them. I’m still one car wreck, sickness or broken smartphone away from real hard times.
Recently I delivered a six pack of beer to a gal who was crying, “I’m sorry I’m not usually not like this.” she says to me as she wipes her eyes and tries to surpress another sniffle.
“That’s alright, this too shall come to pass.”
She smiles and perks up wanting to hear more.
“In fact there are three sayings that are true for all times.”
“And they are?”
“What is is. This too shall come to pass. And because Fuck You! That’s why!”
She snorts, laughs and gives me a fist bump.
It’s a good feeling, I’ll enjoy it while I still can.