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Houston

Featured, Lifestyle, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

September 8, 2015

Friday night August 30th, 2002, Laff Stop Houston, Texas

If I can’t go up on stage, I might as well catch a show and see how it’s done.

The marquee reads “Que Locos!”.

“Is this going to show in Spanish?” I ask myself.

I do my best to avoid the waitstaff’s way and catch the show from the stage right hallway. I accidentally bump into the feature act Felipe and watch the opener Armando Cosio finish up his set.

“Great job!” I tell him as he passes me by. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery and head home.

Saturday night, I finish up a video editing session, head to the Laff Stop and once again arrive as Armando is finishing up his set. I congratulate him again on the good job as he leaves the stage. I watch the rest of the show from the peanut gallery again and head home.

Sunday my conscience gets the best of me, I told Armando good set, but I didn’t catch the full set and that just starts to tug at me on the inside. So I arrive early and see Armando, “Hey Mando, I got here early so I could catch your full set.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“By the way, why is the show called Que Locos?”

“It’s a show on Galavision.”

“The Spanish station?”

“Yeah and it’s in English.”

“Cool..  Break a leg”

I watch the rest of Armando’s set, then head to the bar and order a Dr. Pepper.

“Hey Al, Gabe wants to talk to you.”

Armando introduces me to his fluffy friend, Gabriel.

“You a comic?”

“Yeah, well, I just do open mic”

“So what’s your name?”

“Al, Al Bahma… Al B.”

“So Al B, how many minutes do you have?”

“Five, I’m.. ”

“You know what? Check this out.” Gabriel leads me to the side of the stage and points me towards the packed audience.

“See this crowd? This crowd is hot!”

“Yup.”

Then Gabriel points me towards his middle act, “Felipe’s not even doing his best stuff and he’s killing it!”

“Yup.”

“In fact this audience so hot, whoever goes up next will absolutely kill it.”

“Yup.”

“I believe that so much that you’re going up next”

“Yup.”

As soon as I realize what I agreed to, I then feel my heart drop into the pit of my stomach.

“We thought we’d leave you with a story.”

Armando gets up on stage and introduces me, I go up and bomb horribly.

It was craptacular, uncomfortable and quite honestly at the time, I was too dirty for the audience.

Still one joke got in there with a positive response.

“They tell you when you’re nervous in public speaking to imagine the entire audience is naked.

Well I just did that. Now I’m blind.”

Normally it would get a chuckle, this time it was a four second applause break. Feeling that roar of the crowd for the first time on stage is powerful stuff. It’s like a shark tasting blood for the first time.

I was hooked. I want, not want, I need. I need more of this. I need to get better. I need to get funnier.

Even got a souvenir too!

Even got a souvenir too!

Afterwards Armando brings me some birthday cake because it happened to be his birthday. While snacking on cake I ask, “Why me? What about the other better local comics?”

“Yeah, but you’re only one that said hello.”

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Two Comics Walk On Stage, One Walks Out

August 11, 2015

How can I describe it without sounding like a lunatic*? Here we go.

"Before you go for it, you got to know the joke." -- Jeffrey Ross

“Before you go for it, you got to know the joke.”
— Jeffrey Ross

Take the Comedy Central Roasts, add a splash of 8 Mile, 2 parts Fight Club, a dash of nonsense from The Muppet Show thrown in for good fun and blend. No punches are pulled, no jabs are held back Roast Battle is verbal violence of epic proportions!  Friendships and rivalries are forged, faustian bargains are made and of course there are zingers galore.

Two comics walk on stage. One walks out victorious.

And the other just leaves.

And the other just leaves.

Did I mention celebrity guest commentary? Out of random Jeff Ross, Dane Cook, Jason Reitman, Iliza Schlesinger, Tony Hinchcliffe, Mike Lawrence, The Harlem Globetrotters**, Rich Voss, Stephen Merchant and even Joe Rogan may pop in and provide color commentary.  And it ends in a hug.

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

Matthew Broussard Vs. Sean Patrick Leary

It’s happening tonight and I’m going up and I’m going up against Austin Texas’s own and Austin’s Funniest Chance Royce!

My opponent.  (Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

My opponent.
(Coach Tea please cue in Kill Bill Theme here!)

If you can get there early. Comics and audience will literally stew in their own juices in the Comedy Store Belly Room just to get at least a good reflection off of a reflection of a view from someone’s periscope view.

Show begins at 2am Central Time, Midnight LA Time at the Comedy Store.

For more info, here’s a link to LA Weekly Article, the podcast and the Tumblr.

Still Swinging!

Still Swinging! Photo by Anthony Rathbun

 

*Or a hyper active 7 year old talking about dinosaurs.

** They could!

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, Travel, True Lies

When You Arrive in Los Angeles

August 4, 2015

When you arrive in Los Angeles, they welcome you with a traffic ticket, a fender bender and the middle finger.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I'm greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

I curse this hill a lot, yet I’m greatful for the free parking and weight loss.

Best part about Los Angeles, the weather. What people call a bad day in LA would make a great day in Houston weather wise.

Worst part about Los Angeles, the people. They suck.

Continue Reading…

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Teddy Bear Suicides

July 27, 2015

Someone or something is killing the teddy bears of Los Angeles.

Fountain & Gower

Fountain & Gower

There’s a teddy bear hanging from a power line.  Oh and here’s another and another.

Waring in between Alfred & La Cienega

Waring in between Alfred & La Cienega

I’ve been taking photos and making notes. It’s a hobby or sorts. What could it be? Artists? A childhood died here? Teddy Bear Suicides?  A Ted 2 marketing ploy? Drug related?

Fairfax and Oakley

Fairfax and Oakley

 What do they mean? A murder? Lynching of imaginary friends? Gang related? The LA Death Museum had no answers. Neither did most folks. I tell people and they look at me like I’m crazy. I might even solve a mystery. I doubt it.

Then I noticed.

Are they next?

Are they next?

True Lies

Oh Moth..Er

July 26, 2015

Before I left town, I invited my mother to see me tell a story at the Moth Storytime at Warehouse Live in Houston. Then she signed up for a chance to tell a story.

“Son, wouldn’t it be funny if they put me up? 

Yeah.. Ma, that’d be hilarious.”

And that’s exactly what happened.

"So we have court in March!"

“So we have court in March!”

And she killed.

 

Featured, Shameless Self Promotion!, True Lies

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over

February 10, 2015

Come and Take It Comedy Hang Over :

noun

The feeling of being too tired of having a great time on and off stage for an entire weekend.

Example: After hosting for the entire weekend at Warehouse Live Ashton Womack suffered a Come and Take It Comedy Hangover!

The Come And Take It Comedy Take Over was everything I expected and much more. They even wrote some nice things about my fellow Houston Comics and myself in the paper and the festival right over here.

Continue Reading…

Featured, True Lies

Sunday was big, Sunday I meet Stan Lee!

December 26, 2014

Sunday was big, Sunday I meet Stan Lee!

To say the 12 year old me was as excited was the understatement of the decade! In my hands was a tattered and faded copy of an old Captain America comic I got at the Pearland flea market for a dollar. I slowly flip through the yellowed pages study the names on the page “Art by Jack Kirby” “Written by Stan Lee”. My mom calls me, I put the book in the plastic bag and board and we head out.

Five minutes later, my mom’s 1979 brown Volvo starts to spit smoke into the vehicle and  breaks down in the middle of the road.

We  avoid getting run over and push the car to the Food-A-Rama and wait by the pay phone.

Continue Reading…

Featured, Lifestyle, True Lies

For That Full Circle Nicotine Flavor

June 30, 2014

Take these away from me!”, Reed hands me a pack of Menthols as he swears to me, “I got to quit smoking these!”.

The next night I run into another friend, “Hey Landis, you still smoke?”.

Sure.

I hand Landis the pack.

Shortly after a flustered Reed appears, “Does anyone have a cigarette?”.

Landis hands Reed a cigarette from the pack that was originally his.

Shameless Self Promotion!

Attack of the Comedy Show Returns To Last Concert Cafe

June 20, 2014

20140619-151542-54942866.jpg

2 Years Running Strong!!

Attack of the Comedy Show Returns To Last Concert Cafe With a Bang!

My good friend Slim Bloodworth
graces the stage!

Come see the Texan who captured the heart of the Armed Forces and Canada!

Also Featuring The Funkiest Mismatched Cast of Characters!

Lena Silva! Jami Shofner Carl Hunter Michael Dimitrius Paras, Micah Green Slim Bloodworth

I’m hosting!

We Even Got A Write Up In The Free Press Houston!

http://www.freepresshouston.com/damn-these-vampires-the-best-of-the-week/